Creating Inclusive Weddings for Grandparents and Strengthening Family Bonds with KT Howie

May 31

Written By Annie Shannon

Annie

Welcome to the wedding gap podcast, I’m your host Annie Shannon

Have you been wondering how you can make your wedding more inviting for your grandparents?

Or are you just curious to find out how you can get even closer to them?

Today’s guest KT Howie, golden years legacy filmmaker and former wedding photographer helps us bridge the wedding gap between weddings and Accessibility for grandparents as well as gives us key tips on how you can get closer with your grandparents today.

Annie

Hi KT, welcome to the podcast.

KT Howie

Hello, I'm so excited to be here.

Annie

I am so excited to have you. For those who don't know, I met KT through being online. I follow an education Instagram called the Heart University and she was a guest on their podcast, and she actually worked for them. And so that's how I got connected with KT. And we've had many a conversation on online and through FaceTime. She's based in Hawaii. But anyways, I thought I would go ahead and let KT introduce herself. So KT tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do?

KT Howie

So, I'm KT. And yeah, I do live in Hawaii, which is amazing. And I own a documentary film company called Legacy Film Collective. And we specialize in helping families capture their loved ones’ legacies and I started it because I really believed down inside that every single person has a story to share, especially those in their golden years.

Annie

I love that. That's so incredible. So you were a wedding photographer before this. How did you go from weddings to legacy filmmaker?

KT Howie

Yeah, that's a good question. And I feel like I could go on a whole tangent, but I won't; I’ll keep it condensed, but this started, I wanna say, right when I moved to Hawaii, and I took a job with a wedding photographer who moved into business education, so I was learning from her, doing all the creative behind the scene work. Copywriting, graphic design, e-mail marketing, all, the full shebang and I knew the moment that I accepted that job that I wanted to start a business in some capacity. I just didn't know what yet, and I'm the kind of person who just has so many interests and passions that I could have gone in so many different directions. And I think at the time, the easiest way to start a business was couples and weddings, just because I had seen what she had. Then, while I enjoyed it, I loved capturing couples and their love, it was so fun for me, it was lucrative, but my heart wasn't set on fire by it. Just the thought of spending the rest of my life doing that, I didn't want to do that, you know. And I think during COVID I sat down and started to reevaluate the direction I wanted my life and business to go, and I knew I love the aging population, and I knew that their story needed to be told, which is why I got into documentary films for the average Joe. But the crazy part is a couple of years prior I got this wild image from God and I didn't know what it meant. And yeah, at the time, I had no idea. But it's crazy because that image showed exactly what I'm doing now. And it was basically in 2018, I was running errands in my my college town of Lawrence, and at the time , I was rediscovering my love for the older generations and wanting to help capture their stories. And at that time, I prayed and ask God for a way to to love on them, to just an opportunity to share their stories, and he gave me an image of the map. The United States, and on that map, there was a red dot looping around traveling, and in my head I thought, “oh cool, maybe a dinky little blog capturing people’s stories. No big deal.” And within a week I discovered and got accepted to an internship to interview World War II vets who were the Riveters and Holocaust survivors. So basically, training me up into what I'm doing now. Which I had no idea at the time it was even in the works. And then fast forward to 2020, and I don't think I ever remembered that image until a year later, I think until 2021 is when I was like, oh whoa, this is the image that God gave me. And so I just knew all I knew at the time is I wanted to love on the elderly and they're just so forgotten in our world too. And I just knew that their stories needed to be told and also, at the same time, I think that's when Reels started to come into play on Instagram. And I think business-wise I was like, “oh, this would be a good way to mark it.” I thought about just photos, but I knew that documentaries, video that I could share so I wouldn't have to, you know, create as much video content. So that was also me just trying to make my life easier.

Annie

That's so cool. I really like that when you have an idea or something that pops into your head because God's dropping it or it's just out of the blue and then a few years later you're doing it and then you remember. It's so cool when you can see how everything ties togethe?, how everything leads into each other. You know what I mean?

KT Howie

Yeah, and how there's a thread in your life. Yeah, I majored in journalism, English and history, which is totally unnecessary, it was so dumb for me to get 3 bachelor degrees, but I'm using all of them in the business that I've created, you know. So there's a lot of ways that that God has, like, redeemed some of those either dumb decisions or just like the things that he's instilled in my life and in my heart. That, you know, have come to life in other ways and using them to serve people. I think that's the bottom line is serving and loving others.

Annie

Yeah, it all really works for the good of those who love him, you know? God makes everything work for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose. I love that.

OK, so because this is a wedding podcast, I do want to eventually get into weddings, but before we talk about grandparents and weddings, I thought it would be fun to ask, what are some of the few ways that we can get closer to our grandparents, whether we are getting married soon or not? Getting closer to our grandparents and having a special relationship with them is a very sweet thing to have, and I would love to hear your thoughts on that.

KT Howie

So I'm super close with my grandparents and I think I've seen both sides of the spectrum, like having had grandparents who have passed and not getting that chance to get close with them. But knowing that you would have been and then having grandparents that you already have that relationship with and can grow even closer. And so for me, I love my grandma. She's just the bee’s knees. Just the best. I grew up, you know, on a farm, and I would sometimes tag along with my dad to go feed cattle. And sometimes he would drop me off at my grandma's cause he'd pick my grandpa up to go work cattle together and she would make me a milkshake and eggs at 5:00 in the morning, and she would tell me about all the good old days, the Great Depression era, all the, just, crazy things that went down, you know? And I loved it. I ate that up. And even if it was the same story a million times, it still was game, you know, because she always told it in a new way. So I think just bottom line, getting closer with the grandparents.

Quality time is the best way, and I think the most important way or emphasis on quality time because it's like you can spend time with them and not actually grow in a relationship. You have to be intentional and there are ways that we can carve that time out for them. And I mean, the top ways that come to mind are visiting them, being intentional about, you know, if you live close, like visiting them is a big deal, calling them, writing letters, asking specific questions just because they won't be around forever. And you want to be able to ask some of the questions and hear their stories that you may have never heard before. Or questions that you may regret not having asked when they do pass, just getting beyond the surface-level subjects.

Annie

I love that, especially since I grew up with my grandfather. He would always go tell us all these farm boy stories. How his father killed the pastors billy goat, all these, all these crazy stories. How a car salesman ran away with the neighbors wife, that kind of thing. I always loved hearing those stories and to think that it was indeed what brought me closer to him was allowing him the space to have those times where he would tell us those stories. Even my sister and I went up to Washington this past summer with my husband, and he kept telling us the same stories in a loop, but he's 95 years old, so of course he's going to repeat himself, but it allowed me to feel closer to him because he really wanted to tell me these things. And he really wanted to tell my sister these things and my husband these things. And so yes, spending time and intentional time is important, to say the least.

KT Howie

And just being able to show them that because I feel like our world so easily forgets the aging population, which is so wild because we're all gonna get old someday. Hopefully, that's a privilege to get old. We're all gonna get old someday and then be in this loop of being like, “oh my gosh, I didn't care about my grandparents, and here I am reaping what I saw,” you know? Kind of what society is doing, forgetting and not caring about the elderly. And so I think just the coolest way to honor them is showing that their stories matter, their voice and their stories matter.

Annie

If you look at social media, it's the same stuff being retold in different formats. So if we spend so much time on social media scrolling, then why are we not spending time with our grandparents when they're telling us the same thing over and over again? It's essentially the same concept, but one is more relational and is actually going to be more fulfilling to you.

KT Howie

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's so true.

Annie

How would you recommend introducing your elderly grandparents or parents to get the idea of you getting married if dementia or Alzheimer's is involved?

KT Howie

This is a tough one. Thankfully, I've never personally experienced this with any family members, and surprisingly I've never worked with anyone with dementia or Alzheimer’s. Yeah, super surprised by that, but I also, I think a lot of people are nervous to book me if they have them, which totally makes sense, because if someone doesn't have the capacity to tell stories like it totally makes. It's like photographs are one thing, but a documentary like 3 hours of an interview. So I don't know if I have the authority to speak on this, but I feel like there's some common sense involved, you know, like depending on how far along they are and what their personality is like and how they may or may not react. I think you can gauge on how well they'll take it or how to tell them or the certain times, like maybe the mornings are a lot easier for them, so that's the time that you can express that. Yeah, I feel like I have no authority to speak in this area, but I feel like it's a common sense thing, you know, kind of gauging on where they're at.

Annie

Yeah, that makes sense because my grandmother was on the decline when my cousin got married. And so what they did was she met her. He introduced her as his fiancé, and then she didn't really remember Brigitte. But what happened was when they got married, they showed her a picture and explained that my cousin Nathan had gotten married to Brigitte. And that was kind of the end of the conversation. She loved the idea that her eldest grandson was married and all that that really excited her. But she really, from my understanding, I was so young when this happened, from my understanding, she didn't really understand 100% what was going on. But they met her at her level.

KT Howie

Yeah, that's such a good way to put it. It's like just being present with them, whether they remember or not. I think there still can be memories made, I think because when you sent this question, I started looking up and researching, like how other people have gone about it. And this one woman was talking about how her I think it was like, I don't know if it was her family member or just a friend. But they had their grandmother with dementia come to a wedding and it went great. But the whole time she just didn't understand what was happening. She thought it was a birthday party, like she didn't get why they were throwing rice at the bride and groom. Just all sorts of things along those lines and she was having a conversation with either the friend or the family member and they were saying that it didn't go all that well. Not that she didn't cause a scene, nothing like big happened. It's just she. Didn't understand what was going on, but then she brought in a new perspective of like, that's where she was at and you could just be present with her in that moment. Whether she fully understood or not. So I think kind of taking her expectations and reevaluating them and maybe setting the standard too.

Annie

Where they're at for sure, that really makes sense to just meet them where they're at and if they understand it as a birthday party. Well, yeah, it's the bride and groom married birthday party. You know, they're both celebrating their new birthday together.

KT Howie

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can totally, like, switch it in whatever way. I mean, either way, she was happy and celebrating, so who cares? You know, it's like you get some of those memories, but they're still, even if they're not in reality. But that's OK. That's just where she's at.

Annie

But I mean, if you think of it with people who have Alzheimer's and dementia, if we're trying to force them into our perspective of how they should act, we're not really caring for them very well, but if we accommodate for them, so if there is a situation where a family member has Alzheimer's or dementia that is attending a wedding and they're not doing very well, why not have someone who is invited to come attend alongside this person? And who can take them home if they're not enjoying themselves? If they need to go home early? If there's an emergency, they can take care of them, why not have someone there to assis? That's what we did with my grandfather. It worked really, really great because he didn't have dementia or Alzheimer's, but he was on the decline and his caretaker came as his plus one. She was able to drive him home. My parents didn't have to worry about him, except for walking him down the aisle, because I really wanted him to walk down the aisle and for him to dance with my mom on the dance floor. That's what I wanted for my wedding. And so, why not have an assistant come alongside?

KT Howie

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Annie

I think that's very wise to have, especially with a family member who may not understand and may need to be taken home.

KT Howie

Well, I think too, it's like I've never experienced it, but I can imagine it's so painful for every family member involved, you know, having a parent or grandparent who doesn't remember you like, I cannot imagine if that happened to my parents, like, oh, my heart would just break into. So I can also understand how you know, that woman who shared that. It was a struggle for their family. They didn't feel like it went well because she couldn't remember. Like, that's also probably coming from the fact that they want her as a person because they love her there, you know. So yeah, caretaker, that's great. It takes the pressure off of the whole family to make sure that they're OK, but also it just gives you extra assistance. Especially because they likely need it.

Annie

I photographed my cousins wedding a while back and my great uncle was there. This was the last big family event that he went to. He recognized faces because he had a wall of photos at home. But he couldn't place you in the family, and that was really hard to watch. “Uncle Brian, hi, this is Annie from Roy and Elizabeth's side.” And that was how we had to explain it, but it was really hard to see him on the decline and see that he wasn't, his normal self. And this man, five years prior, was playing flag football and had a video go viral and has had it multiple times go viral because they're making jokes about the Football League or something, and they use his video. It's hilarious. I'll have to try and link it into in the show notes because it's hilarious, it's really cool.

But it was really hard, but it's also really great to have those memories because those we have some of the last images of my Uncle taken by me. So I think having them at the wedding also allows you to have that kind of space for grief in the future because you have photos with them.

KT Howie

Yeah, that's so good. Yeah, I haven't experienced that yet of, like, having had photos and interviews because I did it of my grandparents, and they're still well, alive and kicking it, you know, but I can imagine when they do pass, looking back at their videos and their photographs are going to bring so much joy. You know, and make some of that grieving process make it a little bit easier. Yeah, I've never, I've thought about it. But yeah, bringing that up here, that's true. Makes grieving, you know, a little more, maybe in a more healthy way, potentially.

Annie

Having memories is part of the human condition and helps you feel more grounded. And so during a stage of grief, having memories of that person can help you feel a little bit more grounded, from my experience of losing three grandparents.

OK, let's move on to the next question. What are a few ways you think that we could incorporate our grandparents in our wedding planning process to help them feel included?

KT Howie

So I think just asking them questions and getting their opinion on things, so maybe asking them if a specific date works for them because you really want them there or asking their opinion on colors and florals and decor or just updating them on like this is what I have and you know sharing that experience with them or even asking for their advice. I've met a lot of women who have expressed their regrets on their wedding day and so just ask “if you could change one thing about your wedding, what would you have changed?” Yeah, just getting, I think, their opinion and hearing their voice in the matter is a good way to get them involved.

Annie

I love that because it really allows them to have a voice, but you're also getting their opinion on something that you've already chosen so they don't feel like they're, in charge of the whole thing. And I really like that idea, especially since it would also help them transition into the idea that you're getting married.

KT Howie

Especially if you're close because, like when you get married, I'm assuming the dynamics can sometimes change in your relationships. And so that would totally make sense if maybe grandparents are struggling or elderly parents are struggling with the transition of you getting married.

Annie

Yeah, it makes sense. What would you recommend be done if a grandparent can't make a wedding? For instance I photographed a wedding a little bit ago where the bride's grandfather was in hospice when they got married. And I ended up asking, have we shown the bridals? And she said, yeah, we made sure that they had the bridals so that the grandfather could see them, but what are some of your ways that you would incorporate them if they can't make it to the wedding?

KT Howie

So I recently, this is kind of the extreme, but I had a friend recently, she's getting married next year and she shared with me that her grandparents are like old, old, like Upper 90s, you know. And so they're afraid that they won't be able to make it to next year's wedding. So they decided to get married a year early, and they had a whole ceremony the whole 9 yards and had their grandparents there for the wedding. It's so, so sweet. And she showed me a photo of her grandpa and his face, and it was just filled with so much joy. Like if they can't make it to the wedding like you know, literally having an extra wedding for them really loves and connects with their grandparents. And I love that. I think that's so beautiful. I think there are other ways you can include them in the wedding day if they're not there. If they've passed, you know, whether it's incorporating their jewelry. Or I don't know, maybe a phone call when you're getting ready if they haven't passed or, you know, after the fact showing the wedding album with all the memories or the film, you know, having a showing, then I think there's a lot of ways that you can incorporate them if they're not able to make it.

Annie

That makes a lot of sense. I had a friend whose brother passed away before her wedding, and what they did was they shared vowels beside his bedside, I believe. And she shared pictures of her wedding dress and everything and allowed him to be part of it. My sister, who is not even dating, I had her dress up in a wedding dress when we went to Washington and we took bridals, but we had a first look with my grandfather because they are best friends, two peas in a pod. He is at his happiest when he's with Claire. I got her dressed up in a wedding gown and took bridals. Did a first look with him and the pictures are phenomenal. We've got Mount Rainier in the background.

KT Howie

Oh wow.

Annie

But we have it in the background and he's just smiling his biggest smile. She's got her goofy grin and that's one way you can incorporate them.

KT Howie

I love that. I think we can also move into how you can include them on your actual wedding day too. Yeah, but it makes me think of. Yeah, we're just having first looks for sure with your grandma or grandpa or even like your grandpa officiating or, you know, things along those lines.

Annie

Well, with your bridals, why not have them at your bridal session? If you think that they're not doing well, or even arrange it so that you are able to go to their house right after your bridal session and you already have your hair and makeup done and you can show them what you look like and get their opinion and take pictures with them? I think that's really special too.

KT Howie

Yep, I totally agree with that and just being able to share some of those small moments if they can’t be there.

Annie

Going back to what you were saying about including them in the wedding day, having them officiate. What have you seen that?

KT Howie

Before. Yeah, yeah, I've seen grandparents officiate, but I think a lot of them were pastors, so it was already OK. They were used to it. You know, I don't think it was just Grandpa out of nowhere decided to get ordained. Which you could, takes 5 minutes online, apparently. Yeah, I've definitely seen that for sure, but I think it's just so sweet and so cool that they can be a part of your day in that capacity too because that's just that's a huge part of your wedding day, I feel like.

Annie

Are other ways you would say we could incorporate our grandparents in our weddings?

KT Howie

So I think getting ready for the bride is just an easy way. So having your grandma get ready with you, maybe having first look with your Grandpa. Or maybe if your father isn't present, maybe your grandpa walks you down the aisle. I've even seen friends whose fathers aren't present, and their grandma has walked them down the aisle.That was the one time I've, actually the first time, I've ever lost it at a wedding where, like, I was actually full-blown crying because I just, I know what she's been through and knowing how much of a rock her grandma is in her life, it's just the best. And seeing the man she was getting married to. It's just the best. And so powerful. And then incorporating your grandma or grandpa’s special jewelry during the wedding day or wedding dress. You know, something along those lines. It's like old, blue, something new, could be something old. And then, I also thought of keeping traditions. So I have a friend whose great grandpa, I think fought in World War I and throughout the entire war he had a pocket Bible, and when he came back, the women of his family decided to start hiding it in their dresses when they got married. So it's been a tradition for, you know, almost 100 years at this point where every granddaughter, great granddaughter has hidden the little pocket Bible somewhere in their dress and I just think that is the coolest.

Annie

Oh, that's so cool.

KT Howie

Or even like my grandparents got married on November 3rd, and so did my parents. And if I ever get married someday, I think it'd be cool to do the same thing and keep that tradition going.

Annie

I love that. Thanks. Yeah, I know that with our wedding, I wore my great grandmother's wedding dress on my dad's side to get ready in, and what I didn't know, what was unbenounced to me, was the cufflinks that I had put on my husband when he was getting ready, were her husband's cufflinks. And so we were wearing a set when we were getting ready. Now, I changed into my own wedding dress because the wedding dress that I was wearing had a coffee stain or something. It's from the 1920s. I really wanted to incorporate it.

KT Howie

That is so cool. I need to see a picture of this.

Annie

I need to send you a picture…. I'll send you by gallery. Then my mother, my grandmother, and I think her mother gave her the Bible. So my grandmother's mother gave her a Bible to walk down the aisle. Which my mom carried that Bible down the aisle and I carried that Bible down the aisle.

KT Howie

Yes, I love that. That makes me so happy.

Annie

Yeah, having different heirlooms, such as I also carried my grandmother on my dad's side to watch down the aisle so that I had something of hers close by because I lost both my grandmothers before I got married and I wanted to honor them. And I have really pretty pictures, and I didn't carry a bouquet. I carried those items. My parent, their house is full of antiques that both sides have collected over the years, and so we have pictures of me in that house with those antiques and family heirlooms. But I love the idea of heirlooms and or wearing something that was of Grandma's. If people are wondering, one thing that they can wear is a brooch because back in maybe the 20s, brooches were so huge that they would always wear them, and on so on until now they still wear brooches.

KT Howie

It's so true grannies do wear brooches, they stay wearing brooches.

Annie

Yeah, you can hide a brooch underneath your dress in one of the layers, or you can actually have it incorporated in your belt on your dress. I've seen tie clips be passed down. Those kind of things and 1st looks and flower grannies. That's one thing. Have you seen that?

KT Howie

I've never seen that. But that's so cute.

Annie

Flower grannies, so the grandmothers are throwing flower petals like they would be one of the flower girls. It's they go, they get a hoot out of it. It's so fun.

KT Howie

I feel like if you got like a really spicy, spicy Granny who has no filter and you know it's pretty mobile, I think it could. Be really fun.

Annie

Or I had my granddad walk with my mom and my aunt down the aisle because I wanted to incorporate him and my dad was walking me down the aisle. Why not have her daddy walk her down the aisle? And because he was a little unstable, I had my aunt, who is like a second mom to me walk him down the aisle too.

KT Howie

Yeah, I love.

Annie

Yeah, it's just so fun finding new ways to incorporate a grandparent. It's so fun even having a grandparent say, a prayer for dinner or make an MC announcement as you walk in for your grand entrance. How cool would that be?

KT Howie

Especially someone who likes the spotlight too. It also makes me think of I had a friend have people share words of wisdom at their ceremony, so they had a bunch of older people who've been married for 40 years share their biggest piece of advice and that was super powerful hearing like grandparents, but also just other people in their community share. And I think too, it's like it's cool because that speaks to other people in the crowd as well who are married and maybe need to hear some of that.

Annie

I love that.

KT Howie

Oh, I also thought of another thing. Leaving a seat open for a grandparent who should have been there.

Annie

I've seen that at weddings before, and I've even seen them put a picture on the seat and there was one wedding where I saw that picture on the seat, and I couldn't help it, I picked up the picture I said “Do you want a picture with your grandfather?” And she started tearing up she said, “yes, please.” So we took pictures with her holding her grandfather's picture and it was so powerful and one of the guests reached out to me and said thank you so much for doing that because he was a big part of her life and it was heartbreaking that he wasn't there.

KT Howie

Yeah, that's so cool.

Annie

So you can even incorporate your grandparents that have passed on or who aren't there through pictures and holding them up and taking a group picture with them.

Moving on to making sure that the photos are easy for grandparents. How would you arrange the family photos for grandparents who have mobility issues?

KT Howie

So I would say you don't necessarily have to photograph them first as long as you do every photograph that they're in in 1 fatal swoop. Especially if they have mobility issues, it's hard for them to get up and down. So just make sure that if they're in five combinations of photos, make sure you knock those photos out as quick as possible and making sure that someone's there with them in case they stumble or need more assistance. And then if, I mean if you do the photographs first, it makes it a little bit easier for them to get to maybe the cocktail hour or wherever it may be before everyone, the herds of people start going so.

Annie

Yeah, I live in Texas. I photograph weddings in Texas all the time. But it's so hot.

I do some outside of Texas, but Dang my wedding day was 90 in the 90s in the 90s in April. I planned it in April because I thought it would be in maybe the 70s or 80s, but now?

KT Howie

Oh my gosh.

Annie

So we knocked out Grandpa's photos first because he's pretty old. Or he was pretty old at the time he passed away this past year. But yes, making sure grandparents are able to get their pictures either done first if it's in a hotter climate or making sure that they're all done at one time and telling your photographer my grandparent’s names are this, this is the situation that we're in healthwise, I want to make sure that their photos are all taken consecutively, so help me plan out my wedding shot list so that we're able to get Grandma and Grandpa and all these photos and not have them get up and sit down multiple times.

I also have photographed weddings where we had to go to a different part of the venue to take family portraits, but we had one family member who was on a walker and one who was in a wheelchair, and so we did half of the family portraits in that one area, but then we shifted to incorporate them being able to be in all the photos that they needed to be in so it wasn't overwhelming for them having to walk a certain distance. So that's one thing is making sure your photographer is aware of walkways and all that they specifically wanted this space for certain family photos. Otherwise I would have shifted it to this one particular location for the whole time, but we made it work and we made sure that grandma and grandpa were in all of the photos that they need to be in.

KT Howie

Yeah, that's so true. Making sure that they can even get to the place where you plan on family photos. And if they can't just adapt, be flexible.

Annie

So altars, especially in Catholic ceremonies, maybe having them not on the steps because of stumbling and risk for that. But yeah, making sure that they can get to where you're taking family portraits is key.

Now, how can we honor our grandparents at the reception?

KT Howie

Yeah, so I thought of having a photo displaying their photographs, of grandparents who have passed on. I think another cool thing too, especially if you have grandparents who are still married, the longest marriage dance I see this happen all the time. You know, get people up and this is, I think, a ploy to get people on the dance floor or just honor people who've been married a long time. Yeah, such a huge feat, you know, and such a big deal. But having everyone who's been married stand up and then the, you know, after X many years or sit down, blah, blah, blah blah. And usually by the end of it, you're gonna have, like, four or five couples who were typically grandparents up there dancing, which I think is just so cool. My grandparents have been married 66 years, I think 60, and so they want it at my sister's wedding, and it's just cool seeing the generations of grandparents and parents who've been married a long time and are committed to one another.

I was also going to mention I just did an interview with a man named Gordon, and he loves singing, and his family knows that, he's just been singing his whole life. And at his grandson's wedding, this is really funny to me. They gave him the mic to sing. He has a really funny sense of humor. So he's sang, I think it was, “I married the the Devil's granddaughter.” Which I think is really funny, but they just gave him a mic and he I think he has sung at every grandchild's wedding, which I just think is great. Its such a fun way to incorporate them and have their personality shine through. And obviously, they knew he was joking and people got a kick out of it.

If your grandparent loves to give speeches or singing that kind of thing, giving them, you know, the spotlight. If they enjoy it, could be a fun way to include them in the reception or even, you know, them giving a speech. Or if you're giving a speech thanking your grandparents in it and just sharing how much they mean to you and then I think even just having a dance with them as well could be cool.

Annie

Yes, definitely a dance. Because what I did at my wedding was my mom and my grandfather did not get a chance to have their dance at her wedding because my father's parents were Nazarene and that particular church denomination they don't believe in dancing. And so my parents never got to dance at their wedding, and they never got to dance with their parents at their wedding. So I danced with my dad and then we invited my mom and her dad, and then 2/3 through the song I switched with my mom and dad so they could dance a little bit together and I danced with my grandfather.

KT Howie

Oh, I love that. That makes me so happy.

Annie

It was so special and. KT, those are some of the last, if not the last, photos I have of my grandfather and they're so precious to me and it helps me grieve the loss of him. And another thing we did was we had our generational wedding pictures up. I had noticed that my in-laws had a picture of my mother-in-law’s parents on their wedding day and their wedding photo up on display and I asked them can we use this at our wedding. And of course the frames are very cowboy, my in-laws are very much into those Rancho ranch things because they have a ranch and all that. And then my family is very elegant and classic and so my mom and dad's picture and my grandparents picture was elegant and classic, and I liked that we could show off both of their styles, and we showcased a picture of my grandparents on their wedding day and my parents on their wedding day. I love that. Yeah, we didn't have photos, it was ironic, we didn't have photos from either of the our dad’s sides because neither of them could afford the photography for it, but we had photos from one side, each of grandparents, which was really special.

KT Howie

And it's just so fun seeing, I think as a bystander, like what your parents and grandparents looked like when they were young. There's just, like, the nostalgia that I think everyone can enjoy with that as well, definitely.

Annie

And I mean, you can look at a photo and say, ohh that's so-n-so I do that all the time. When I look at younger pictures of my father-in-law, it's the spitting image of my brother-in-law. Just the spitting image. Those are some ways that I did it and I love that the ideas that you shared of, speeches and everything with the dance, if you have shy grandparents, you could always do it where they're the last ones to get on the dance floor. So you start with the people who have been married for two hours and then for a year or two years, and you go up. And so they're the last ones to enter the dance floor, for ones who don’t want to have all the attention on them, and then you invite all everyone to the dance floor. But that way they can feel like they're incorporated in the wedding day, but they're not having the spotlight on them towards the end because I really feel like that's one thing that some grandparents are very, very shy. Another thing I noticed I was visiting a venue today for a networking event, and they have a bridal suite behind the DJ area, but they also have a house that is rented, and they use the house more often for the bridal set. And what the bridal suite behind the DJ area has turned into has been a grandparent station. So grandparents can go in, escape the loud music, and enjoy themselves and support the couple so that they're there when they're exiting and everything, but they're not overwhelmed with all the loud noise.

KT Howie

I didn't even think about that. Yeah, but I'm someone who so easily gets overstimulated, too. So I get it. Yeah, and that's a cool way to make them feel more comfortable

Annie

So even having like a grandparent area, there's one venue in our area, it's called the Brownlow House, and it's meant for micro weddings. It's so beautiful. They have this terrace-type area where the grandparents often sit on the benches there and watch all the dancing. It's so-so key because they're able to observe that it's on a porch and it's so beautiful. It's not a terrace, it's a porch. That's what it's. Called or is it called a terrace? I need to look up my English language. Being bilingual almost trilingual is difficult.

KT Howie

That's amazing though. You're a whole heck of a lot smarter than I am.

Annie

No, you're smart. If you put your mind to it, you would learn a language really quickly. You've learned the language of grandparents. You have to know how to communicate with them in order to do documentary films.

KT Howie

True, or just get to a point where, like, learn how to ease people into some of the hard questions and be empathetic and personable and yeah. I feel like there's an art for sure to interviewing people and speaking the older generations language too, because I think they're just the coolest and they have so many fun phrases that have been lost over the years that I just get such a big kick out of. Yes, but yeah different generations have different dialects and ways of speaking, and so I do agree with you on that.

Annie

So if we're all peachy keen, let's go ahead and share some last tips and resources that you have for couples on getting closer to their grandparents and getting married.

KT Howie

So I don't know if I have any last tips, but I have a lot of resources. On my website and on my Instagram page that can help. I think the number one thing that I always really enjoy and I even do it with my own grandparents even after I've interviewed them is I have a huge PDF full of a ton of questions to ask just to get that quality time to be more intentional and to sometimes hear some of those stories that you maybe have never heard before. So yeah, I have a lot of resources to get closer with your grandparents or even just booking a legacy film like that is just such a cool, powerful way to sit down with them, hear their entire life story, get a whole new perspective, see them in a whole new light, and spend that quality time honoring them and making them feel loved and valued and heard through that interview.

Annie

Yeah, I love that. And for those who are concerned about Alzheimer's and dementia, I'm sure that KT could always just go with the flow and talk about whatever the grandparent is wanting to talk about that day. So they are in the 1950s and just talking about the 1950s and how Howard's about to come home and all that, that'd be kind of cute to have a documentary or given a mini film and taking pictures, or even if you're getting close to your grandparents, just meeting them where they're at and talking like they're in the 1950s, asking them questions about it, yeah, that's the resource is just meeting them where they're at. I really feel like is it like a tip.

KT Howie

I totally agree.

Annie

OK, so where can people book a Legacy film with you because I know some people are probably like “I need to book her. I need her to document my grandparents lives”. Or maybe they're in their 60s, seventies and want to pass that on to their children and their grandchildren. Where can they find you?

KT Howie

Yes. So you can find me on my website legacyfilmcollective.com. You can inquire, ask all the questions book. I'm an open book so we can talk about all the things, the process, the interview, what it entails, the work that it would require of you. How to ask your grandparents, I walk you through the entire process or you can go to my Instagram, which is Kattkattykatt, Kind of a dumb name, but it was thought of when I was in high school and it's just stuck and I'm sure. You'll link it in the in the show notes. But yeah, yeah. So that like it's film collective is where you can find me.

Annie

I love that. Thank you so much for sharing that. Where can people find you on other platforms? You know, you mentioned your Instagram and your website, but are there any other platforms or anything that you want to showcase?

KT Howie

So I have a podcast called “When I was Your Age” and you can find me on Apple Music and I think Spotify at this point and do go and double-check that I got that all rocking and rolling but and then YouTube, Facebook all sorts of different ways you can find me

Annie

I love that. Thank you so much for coming on to the podcast for sharing your story, for sharing your perspective. And people, please, please, please book a legacy film with this woman. She travels all over the US doing it.

If you liked this episode, please go ahead and leave a 5 star review. It really helps me out. Hearing your thoughts and ideas and suggestions. I also have a Facebook group for the Wedding Gap Podcast and that will be linked in the show notes, and until next time take care, be kind, and find ways to bridge the gap for others, bye.